Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Before you read this post, you must first sign this consent form...


Yes really. This is apparently a thing. So take that as a warning before proceeding because you know me...oh, and be sure to read the red text before clicking the link before it.

Also, just to get it out of the way first, you can blame Neverness for this post. He called me Monday afternoon, handed me the molotov cocktail (so to speak) and told me to run with it on here. Dumbfounded and disbelieving at what I was reading, I looked to My Beloved Wolfy who simply said: yes. (doing so with a wicked gleam in her beautiful eyes).

Whether or not the following is an entertaining post or total crap I couldn't tell you at this point as I've written and deleted it about a dozen times now, no doubt losing some of its venom along the way, but i'd gotten way, waaay off topic, and repeatedly. 


 I wouldn't trust his signature consenting to anything!

From behind her screen, the DM looks around the table at her fellow gamers,
all with D20s in hand: Okay, so who's on point?

In this crummy world we all now are forced to slog thru on a daily basis, now we can't even run to hide in our imaginary gaming worlds without first reading, filling out and then signing yet another fucking consent form available for free here (yes, they're quite serious about this). What comes next character generation? Or pseudo-therapy sessions with the DM just to make sure all is good? I can assure you that you'll be hard pressed to find a DM out there with the proper schooling for this shit. 

Roll for initiativ-oh wait, yeah never mind..

That PDF linked above has freaking safe words for fuck sake! This isn't some sort of BDSM dungeon (LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!!!), no-just a gaming one.

Who the hell wants to play with kid-gloves on? Don't we have enough of that crap to deal with in real life? Looking back to my old RPG days, it was more like this: 'you what? That bothers you does it?' As I look around the room at who you had thought were your friends but now instead resemble a pack of grinning hyenas with blood dribbling out of their toothy grins.

In this post-PDF-cosenting gaming world, how the hell do you start these gaming sessions exactly nowadays? 

Is it like this: The lights are dimmed in the living room, save one in the middle for whomever has the floor. Geeks and gamers sit in a circle, empty cans of mountain dew, Monster energy drinks and the empty bags of munchies strewn about,...slowly Rothgar' the Ogre's player stands, shuffles to the center of the room and looks about glumly (all  present then speak in character): 

Hi. me Rothgar. 
Hi Rothgar.  
I...well, Rothgar is murder hobo. 

Followed by grave looks and down cast eyes from all present. Rothgar's player sits, ashamed.

Next the DM speaks: Thank you for sharing Rothgar. Who's next? How bout you Saia, mistress of the dark arts?

*****

God I can't wait, where do I sign up? 

Man this is group gonna be great-wait wha? Consent forms...for-huh? I thought  we were role playing?

...aaaaaand there we go, now that everyone's signed their consent forms, and we're clear on what's good and what's not. So, is everybody ready to roll some dice for some savage rated G combat vs. this cuddly Cthulhu here? 

So what the fuck do you want when you game? Do you want grim-dark sci-fi or fantasy? Or do you want mildly hostile yet heavily armed teddy bears? Do you want a dark, dank dungeon, or genestealer infested space hulk? Or would you rather fight in a padded, softly lit room?

This?

News flash kids, the latter is a fucking insane asylum! Google that shit and you'll see how much fun those really are! 

Or this?

I dunno. I...I just don't know what the hell the gaming world is coming to. Here, just skip that stupid PDF and just use this instead:

Warning: if you use this the party will only make it worse for you!










9 comments:

neverness said...

Wow, my PCs never ended up in dungeons like THAT! But they would've consented to it! 😆

Kushial said...

I don't know though, I can totally see Chief saying he didn't consent to the mature content that his dice do to his success on the gaming table on a regular basis.

Waaargh Pug said...

I don't know if you enjoy stand-up comedy or not, but the latest Bill Burr and Dave Chapelle specials on Netflix are something you would probably enjoy. I know I loved them. ;)

Now, for starters, know that I actually agree with you. I hate this PC cringy whiny woe-for-my-feelings zir bullshit more than even most of the people who hate it, because I hate it with a sane mind bereft of "belief" about any of it. I live very much the life of, "I'm offended!" being met with, "...so?"

But that said, the sad, important thing to understand is that this book isn't for us, nor is it for our generation of gamers. Yes, it absolutely sucks that this thing exists. Yes, it also absolutely sucks that not only did someone believe enough that it should exist so as to write it in the first place, but that it actually has an audience.

The world of generation... Z? Are they the Z's? I don't even know... anyway, their world, is this insane flash in the pan where everyone their age needs to feel safe and identified and like they belong to a group and yet still be noticed as unique individuals that can identify as cats or whatever the fuck it is they're into now. And of course that bleeds up to the cast-offs of previous generations recognizing their own insanity in the masses coming up after them, as well as those with an unfortunate amount of moral righteousness towards policing whether anyone can have their feelings hurt or not. It's so stupid that surely, surely, it cannot last. Shit it might flip on its head and become dangerously the opposite. Beats me.

All I'm saying is we're just some old ass men on porches yelling at the sky.

Also there are plenty of gamers that are fucking weirdos in a creepy, might-could-hurt-somebody way, and now we have a lot more girls (or girly boy folk) going to game nights for Pathfinder Society or one-shot D&D or similar who are scared of being victims, so they're latching onto social rulesets like this one to justify themselves.

Look, all that I've done in typing this is convince myself what a trashfire all this is. So, you're welcome. I guess.

What.

WestRider said...

It really shouldn't need a book, and it's not something that's really an issue when playing with a group you know, but in some circumstances (like games at Conventions and such) it's actually a pretty good idea. When properly implemented, all it really consists of is making sure that everyone knows what they're getting into.

You don't want someone who's just dipping their toes into gaming and only had experience with some noblebright Pathfinder game getting scared off by looking at a convention schedule, thinking "Dark Heresy" (with no further description that makes any sense to anyone not already familiar with 40K) sounds like an interesting change of pace and getting dumped into a mess of Slaaneshi cultists and daemons with no advance notice. That's the kind of experience that leads to Chick Tracts. That's also the kind of environment that can lead to lawsuits, because people don't know each other well enough to work things out in a more civil manner.

Hell, it works the other way, too. Dropping someone who's looking for grimdark into what turns out to be some poorly described Toon game is a recipe for disappointment as well.

Yes, it's easy for it to get out of hand, and like I said, there's no reason there should need to be a book for it, but the basic concept is just to make sure that everyone's expectations line up with their experiences. Most of the time, it can be done implicitly. I mean, I'm sure at some point you've thought about inviting some friend to do something, then thought about it more and went "Nah, they wouldn't actually like it". All this should be about is formalizing that process for situations where the people involved don't know each other well enough to make that call.

Da Masta Cheef said...

@Neverness: I dunno, it could have been you strung up naked and ball-gagged in said dungeon. And if so I know I would've definitely passed on that one!!!

@Kushial: No, I do NOT consent (the irony) to having my dice fuck me over in every given game! That said they do anyways so its a moot point.

@Waaarghpug: Woohoo! You replied to my dumpster fire with one of your own! All I can say is: hey pal, get off of my lawn!!

@WestRider: I guess I can see it especially from a con point of view. However RPGing at a con always struck as sort of anathema (if that's the right word?) to me in practice finding the right chemistry, even from amongst my own circles of gaming friends for a good party, that to have random and total strangers all sit down, character in hand and go for it is simply a concept I can't even imagine even though I know it is a con staple.

I guess like Waaarghpug said, and you've implied, this really isn't for me/us and is quite applicable in a con/strangers gaming situ., but I dunno...it once again leaves me wondering if I'm just getting too old for this shit. lol.

BTW: I had to google 'Chick Tracts'. Never heard of him, and yeah...not my cup o' tea though I can see your point. I think.

Monkeychuka said...

I actually kind of get it. We've been thinking about 40k tournaments in terms of a 'social contract' for a while now. People like to know what they are getting into when meeting strangers. I enjoy heavily converting my armies and don't mind if some of my models have their nipples showing. On the other hand, my tournament opponent may find this totally unnacceptable and accuse me of being a modelling-for-advanatage, sexist scumbag. However! If the TO releases a tournament pack beforehand explaining that the Triple Breasted Whore of Eroticon III is an acceptable proxy for a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh then all objections are auto-resolved. You can choose not to go to the tournament knowing that some weirdo with a boobie fetish is going to array his semi-naked models before you with an impish grin on his face.

Of course, when I play with friends, I'm usually too drunk/stoned to care all that much.

Da Masta Cheef said...

That’s true, the ‘social contract’ in regards to gaming, TO packs and such really are good analogies. I still hate that this needs to exist though.

That said the Mrs is sitting next to me as I read her the above responses repeatedly saying: ‘no. Just no.’

WestRider said...

"I still hate that this needs to exist though."
It really, really doesn't need to exist. As I said, there's no good reason for it to be taken so far as to publish an entire book on the subject*. The jargon used actually confuses the issue further, because "consent" has all kinds of very specific connotations that do not apply here**. And yeah, we are all pretty damn far from the target demographic. I have some friends who are closer to it, tho, and I've heard some stories about situations that I can see leading someone who didn't really know what they were talking about to think it was a good idea.

*OK, yes, there is a reason for it to be published, it's just not what I think is a good one: Someone projected that it would sell enough units to be profitable. I really doubt that there's actually a substantial market that would both buy it and get something from it.
**OK, maybe they do in some games. If so, I'm doubly in favour of this in those contexts because I want no part of that.

Da Masta Cheef said...

Unfortunately in this day and age where uncivil discourse is sadly the social norm, even if it probably doesn't 'need to exist', it was likley only a matter of time until somebody else created something of this sort.

Ironically, the Consent PDF was published on 9/11, a national day of unrelated tragedy.

Also, its free, so no profits (that I'm aware of) are taken from it, though we are talking about it driving attention (regardless of 'good' or 'bad') and no doubt page hits to that site.