Monday, September 28, 2015

The Battle Cattle!


Whilst The Buffet Assault Group is a relatively disciplined unit, there are always a few bad apples. Most are allowed to collect their personal effects, their paycheck (minus any damages resulting from their actions) and a taxi (of some sort) to the nearest space port. Most go, but a few beg for a 2nd chance, knowing that life in any other Merkz unit will be far worse than what they had as a TBAGer. For these unfortunate souls, the only option is a tour as a Battle Cattle handler.

'Battle Cattle' is a generic term for whatever critters The Buffet Assault Group has at the time for use as shock assault units. Slavering and panic stricken livestock rampaging towards the enemy makes for one hellova distraction (and if they make contact, they hit like a truck!). Currently, the TABGerz employ the infamous Dire Swine, a genetically modified beast of burden that's fairly docile (when drugged), but has the general temperament of a Terran Hippo.

Off of the battlefield, handlers have the dreadful task of caring for, feeding, and cleaning the stalls of their Dire Swine charges (yes, they shovel a lot of shit!). Enroute to the battlefield, they have to walk as Dire Swine hate to be ridden, and the APC crews refuse to allow (quote) beasts with no bowel control on board.

Once on the battlefield, the handler keeps the swine moving via hauling/tugging on the collar of the alpha male (the females will follow) towards the enemy. At just the right moment, the handler 'hits the switch' and an injector attached to the collar injects Adrenalin straight into the Alpha's system. In the ensuing drug induced berserk rage, anything in front of the crazed beast is charged and either crushed underfoot or viciously attacked by both the alpha and the following females (they also have injectors which activate via remote when the alpha's injector fires). Then all the handler has to do is sit back and watch the carnage.

Simple right?

Broken arm in-progress...
Battle Cattle, the other other white meat!

Try it sometime. 

It is all to easy to hit the switch at the wrong time during the chaos and confusion of the battle-in-progress. As such, injuries among handlers are all too common (and deaths by stampede or dragging the unfortunate handler into the melee are not to uncommon either). Thus, a tour of Battle Cattle duty is seen as something of a death sentence. Some handlers survive their tours and return to the ranks, but invariably, there are a few individuals who are a 'little off', who choose Battle Cattle duty as their primary and preferred responsibility.


Greg Hess said...

The sculpts on the battle cattle are pretty fun! Never seen those mini's before!

Da Masta Cheef said...

They're 'Lesser Mawes' from Hasslefree miniatures. My Grymn army commander has one on her base as a 'counts as' power maul.

Tea Urn said...

Genius. My favourite thing about figures at this scale is the ability to model little dioramas on the base with multiple figures on.

Da Masta Cheef said...

I started experimenting with the diorama bases with my grymn army, and it naturally carried over well with the Gruntz.