Da Masta Cheef rants about 8th ed's rumors

Okay look: When I started this out, it wasn't going to be a rant on the subject, but then on the read-thru...well, it just kinda turned out that way. Again. As usual. 

Once again a new edition is almost upon us and I really want to be cautiously optimistic, but at the same time given my past experience with 40k’s various ‘updates’ I can’t help but feel like I’m cringing with trepidation as well. GW Fanbois and Haters alike are all over the various rumor blogs/FB pages screaming their opinions resulting in a bunch of white noise with little to no substance. 

Thus, adding to the din: here are my thoughts on what I've read the most about thus far:

WE LISTENED AND GAVE YOU WHAT YOU WANTED!

Considering that I think the ‘pie chart’ below of what GW perceives the 40k fanbase to be is entirely accurate, I doubt it.

You disagree? HERESY! *BLAM!*

EVERYTHING IS VIABLE! • NO BROKEN UNITS!

Yes, yes…we’ve heard this all before, so when reading GW’s current hype vs. their proven track record on these two subjects, I think many a player will be disappointed as usual.

NO DEATHSTARS!

GW’s so-called play testers have never come close to breaking the game like their player base has. As such, ‘no Deathstars’ is a laughable notion.

WHOMEVER CHARGES INTO CLOSE COMBAT STRIKES FIRST!

If that's the case then it will be an (((AMAZING))) improvement for Orks! Now whether or not that's just a hammer-of-wrath-like hit, or all of their attacks remains to be seen, but either way its desperately needed fix for a HTH army that invariably hits last in virtually EVERY close combat situation. (See? There's some positivity in the mess.)

Seriously, I'm actually stoked about that one!

THE MOST ROBUST 40K EDITION EVER!

A minor rewording of the standard issue marketing written about every release, moving on…

THE HORUS HERESY RULES WILL STAY THE SAME!

(actually, they’re not really shouting about this bit).

Having spent $150 this past year on two newly updated ‘Red books’ (and still contemplating a third) I should hope not! That said, its inevitable I suppose, and there’s are thousands of people who’ve spent tons on $50 hardback codexes that are soon to be obsolete (and this is already generating justifiable player unhappiness).

3-WAYS TO PLAY WHICH IS WHAT EVERYONE WANTS!

Okay look. AoS was an absolute clusterfuck when it was released without any sort of point system. Players all over the world started immediately to develop their own to try and bring some sense of balance and playability to the game within their local groups. The only people that I know who enjoyed it in the original form, played it with their kids who are quite young. New blood = Good. Alienating VAST swathes of veteran players = Bad. Even GW figured that out. 

AoS sales spiked initially (like any new edition does) and then nosedived into oblivion. (until...) The General’s Handbook corrected the obvious failings of the game's initial release and players received the book with near universal acclaim. As such the games' financial numbers are believed to exceed, the old WHFB which is what GW wanted in the first place. Its probably described as: WINNING! in the shareholder meetings.

Looking towards 8th ed, GW's upper echelons no doubt compared apples to oranges and didn't see any difference at all (most likely due to the usual combination of their entrenched 'group think' corporate mentality and absolutely no market research what-so-ever) and jumped to the conclusion that this will work for 40k too. BRILLIANT! When in truth, its probably just as much of a shot in the dark as the initial AoS release was.

FREE RULES PDFs!

Yay. Now those of us who don’t have tablets, or (conversely) don’t want their tablets to be filled up with nothing but 40k rule PDFs can print them out at Kinkos (or whatever FedEx calls it now). My apologies to the trees, some us old schoolers still prefer actual books. $25-30 soft backs were fine, people only started to pushback on codexes when GW decided they all should be $50 coffee table books with very, very short lifespans. 

Here's to another 30+ years of Ultra-Fucking-Marine-Blue!

THE FOCUS IS ON IMPERIUM vs. CHAOS!

Translation: SUCK IT XENOS PLAYERS! (as usual). Before anyone pipes up about Tau and the Eldar, I expect those two armies will take a good solid kick to the groin. Like 30k, 40k looks to finally become an ALL POWA ARMA game with that revelation. True, those two sides include others like the Inquisition, SoBs (lolz), IG, the mechanicum and daemons. But POWA ARMA is where its at! 

Oh and pray to whatever gods will listen that all that new Chaos Legions flavor carries through into the new edition, instead of just becoming another fondly remembered 4.5 CSM codex the likes of which won’t be seen again for another decade whilst the ultramarine blue loyalist marines get all the good rules. 

Also, steel yourselves for the possibility of GW rolling all 3 Eldar factions into one fluff shredding ‘Aeldari’  faction, and similar AoS shenanigans like renaming ’Orks’ to ‘Orruks’ and other stupid sounding names that no one else has made up yet in order to be able to trademark EVERYTHING! Just remember kids: BRAND IDENTITY is more important than FLUFF. Though I might be okay with it, if they changed ‘Space Marines’ to ‘Spess Mahreenz’.

Speaking of a kick to the groin, let's hope there's an actual death to the 'death from the skies' phase. Not likely, but one can always hope...

THE GAME WILL BE EVER EVOLVING!

lol, did they say *free rules*? Yes well, while they’re not a ‘rules company’, you’ll still need to buy a $50-75 rulebook every so often (read that as: 2-3 per year) to keep current and get all the really cool shit. Oh, and speaking of 'evolving' when is GW going to try and alter their player base to not be such a freaking sausage-fest? 

Hell, Warmahordes' and Infinity minis are almost 50/50 male-to-female (and as a result are a lot more appealing to female gamers, even despite Corvus Belli's overly-sexualized female poses), whereas GW? Well yeah, no idea why some nerd's violent sexual fantasy the Sisters Repentia didn't help em' cross the vast, gender divide...

But, but...then they released the Sisters of Silence right?

Sadly, once again, the 'boob armor' failed to entice the ladies. I'm sure the notion that two requirements of their combat regimen is to not only be a soulless bitch, but also to permanently shut their fucking mouths didn't help either.

Suddenly they sound like the Emprah's trailer trash don't they?

- Epilogue -

Bitter much? Isn't it obvious?

So was this post even necessary? Doubt it.

Was it constructive? Certainly not.

Cathardic? Quite.

Are you done yet? For the moment...